From Joe Peltzer

It’s a sure bet that if a studio owns a successful piece of intellectual property, they’re going to mine it. Disney is doing it with all of their animated films, turning them into live-action cash-grabs. Universal did it with a sequel to their hit Mamma Mia! with a rumored third film threatened every so often. That same studio also gave us a spin-off from The Mummy series, The Scorpion King, with some of the worst CGI in history. Wonka is here to join the ranks of unnecessary films with a miscast Timothée Chalamet leading the way in a musical that his as gaudy as it is forgettable.

Set in the early days of Willy Wonka (Chalemet) setting out to become a chocolatier, Paul King’s (Paddington) latest family film follows the titular character as he discovers the existence of a ruthless chocolate cartel that will stop at nothing to control the industry. The cartel in question involves renowned pillars of the chocolate industry, including Slugworth (Paterson Joseph), Fickelgruber (Mathew Boynton), and Prodnose (Matt Lucas), each character a bit more flamboyant and unique than the next. The three represent one of my overarching criticisms of the film: it’s ridiculously silly and over-the-top, never quite finding the charm King’s films are known for and instead treating the characters (and the audience) as if they’re dumb. Keegan-Michael Key’s character, a chocolate-loving chief of police who is bought off using chocolate, is silly in the way that we’ve come to expect from Key’s roles, a henchman included for cheap laughs and nothing more.

Chalamet may have the look of a young Gene Wilder, but his performance as Wonka couldn’t be more different. Sure, there are eccentricities that mirror some of the more showy aspects of the character, but gone is the mystery and peculiarities that led to an awkward intrigue as to what Wilder’s character would do next. Aside from wanting to open his own chocolate shop, a series of unfortunate events land him in, put bluntly, laundry slavery where he turns his attention to helping free his new acquaintances, especially Noodle (the wonderful Calah Lane). While that piece of this bizarre puzzle that is Wonka is strange in and of itself, it also is completely detached from the brazenly negligent factory owner established in 1971’s Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. In fact, it’s the complete antithesis, shying away from Wonka’s selfish delights and showing him as a caring man; this he is not.

It’s not that Chalamet isn’t trying his best in the role, it’s simply that the ridiculous script with extreme caricatures for characters is so lost that each of the talented cast members are frustratingly grating. Take Olivia Colman and Hugh Grant, for instance, two fantastic British artists with extensive filmographies containing celebrated roles, both reduced here to nincompoops, the former as a conniving inn owner and buffoon and the latter as an Oompa Loompa with a vendetta. When Grant as one of the orange-faced beings is a highlight of the film, you know you’re in rough waters. Roan Atkinson plays a Priest here and is delightful, doing what Atkinson does best with cheap laughs (the only laughs I gave during the film). 

Let’s not forget the musical pieces of this monstrosity, from what I believe is titled “Scrub Scrub” to a remixed version of “Pure Imagination.” All of the new songs were astonished forgetful; perhaps their removal would have given the film a bit more seriousness to fall back on. The familiar “Pure Imagination” is a delight, however, even as it’s performed amidst rubbishy CGI and comes much too late to save the film.

My overarching question is “why?” Why does this film exist and what is the intent? Charlie and the Chocolate Factory already served the purpose of giving us a look into Willy Wonka’s backstory led by Johnny Depp in a film that was divisive at the time, but may look dazzling after seeing Wonka. Is this new film meant to serve as a connected prequel or is it something altogether different, a rewriting of Wonka’s story to make him more palatable and family friendly? Either way, there is little to like (aside from Lane and the flashy costume design) in a movie that is bafflingly bad from start to finish.

Rating: 1/5

Wonka hits theaters on December 15th, 2023.

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