From Jeremy Kibler

Perhaps it’s time we finally put the kibosh on action-comedies about assassins or secret agents who try living normal lives. It was once a novel premise that has now grown stale, no matter the talent involved. Already this year, we had the instantly forgettable Ghosted (also from streamer Apple TV+), where Chris Evans’ girlfriend (Ana de Armas) turned out to be—get this—an international spy for the CIA! Similarly, The Family Plan is content as filmmaking. It evaporates as you watch it, but it’s marginally better (and a little less lame) if one sets dirt-low expectations.

Mark Wahlberg stars as “Dan Morgan,” a successful car salesman in Buffalo, New York. He’s a predictable but good husband to physical-therapist wife Jessica (Michelle Monaghan) and father of two teens—angsty, college-bound Nina (Zoe Margaret Colletti) and pro-gamer Kyle (Van Crosby)—and a 10-month-old baby. Their life is so safe and content: they never travel, tacos are scheduled every Wednesday for dinner, and Dan and Jessica only have sex on Thursdays. Truth is, Dan has been living a lie for 18 years: he’s actually a covert assassin! And his name isn’t even Dan! Can you believe it? When Dan realizes his old colleagues (including Ciarán Hinds) have found him and are out for blood, an impromptu (and device-free) road trip to Las Vegas leads to Dan finally coming clean to his family and hopefully keeping them alive.

With The Family Plan, director Simon Cellan Jones and writer David Coggeshall (who wrote the surprisingly just-as-bonkers prequel “Orphan: First Kill”) have made a product that feels concocted by Chat GPT. Structurally, yes, the script is pretty sound by always paying off a plot point it introduces, whether it’s the son’s gaming skills or Mom’s track-and-field athleticism. Otherwise, it’s up to the reliable cast to keep things humming along at a breezy clip with few to no surprises.

An actor’s likability can be a powerful thing. Wahlberg is skilled at playing a goofy suburban dad who’s really a killing machine with a moral code, but it’s the winning Michelle Monaghan who gets us through the sometimes-inane proceedings and shares a nice-enough chemistry with Wahlberg. Her Jessica is forced to sometimes be dumbed down by the script, but once she actually gets to brighten up, Monaghan gets some choice moments (like putting her baby’s dirty diaper to smart use). Then there’s Maggie Q, who’s fun to watch despite her brief (and blatantly obvious) role as Jessica’s new gym buddy reduced to being the newly coined “Chekhov’s Maggie Q.”

It’s not like a derivative outline can’t be diverting on its own, but there’s not much cleverness here to fill in the blanks (if no shortage of giggling baby reaction shots). The plot is of the “who cares?” variety, and the action is competently staged without being anything special, which is par the course for the whole movie. Slickly produced but creatively generic where it really counts, The Family Plan still manages to be tolerable and not the death knell of comedy. Hooray for mediocrity!

Rating: 2/5

The Family Plan is now available to stream on Apple TV+.

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