‘Red One’ Movie Review: Deranged Touches Save High-Priced Christmas Hodgepodge
Photo from Amazon MGM
From Jeremy Kibler
When you explain it to friends, a big-budget, all-star action-fantasy-comedy Christmas extravaganza like Red One might not sound like a real movie. It could have just been an overblown fake movie playing next door to “Sack Lunch” (if you know, you know). And yet, with a little more quick-wittedness and imagination sprinkled throughout, this counts as something of a pleasant surprise, but let’s be clear: it’s still a strange, goofy hodgepodge of stuff—a modern superhero tentpole meets an old-school nightmare movie for kids—that’s about as nutritious as a plate of Christmas cookies.
Dwayne Johnson plays Callum “Cal” Drift, a loyal, built-like-a-brick-shithouse elf who’s really just Santa’s bodyguard at the North Pole. Saint Nicholas (a jacked J.K. Simmons), himself, has the most important job in the world, even if it’s only one night out of the year, but Cal is ready to resign after losing faith in so many naughty adults. That same night, eyes are lost on the jolly man, who gets kidnapped by wicked witch/ogre Gryla (Kiernan Shipka) and her team of commandos. Meanwhile, in the natural world, roguish gambler and for-hire hacker Jack “The Wolf” O’Malley (Chris Evans) is a “Level 4 Naughty Lister” who could probably be of some assistance to save Santa and foil Gryla’s nefarious plan to imprison all of the so-called naughty listers in snow globes. Can Cal and Jack save Santa and, hence, save Christmas? Yes, you’re not high; you read that right.
Director Jake Kasdan (the Jumanji reboot and sequel) and screenwriter Chris Morgan have a whole mythology lined up for three movies and just enough cartoonishly imaginative world-building. We just take it as read that the Clauses have a security team of talking polar bears. There’s also a later throwaway detail in what happens if Santa steps on and crushes a Christmas light on a roof during his big night. When Red One is being a mismatched-buddy comedy on this globe-trotting adventure, it largely gets carried by the likable banter between a deadpan Dwayne Johnson and a smirking Chris Evans.
Red One feels sanded down to be a product made by committee, and then every once in a while, delightfully deranged touches save it from getting swallowed up whole by passable action sequences and glossy, detached CGI. Sure, it’s a mythological world full of ice sword-wielding snowmen and other creatures fit for the Mos Eisley Cantina, but why does everything look so blurry and airless as if watching a 3D movie without the glasses? Also, the plot does get more complicated than it needs to be, along with a subplot involving Jack being a deadbeat dad to his teenage son (Wesley Kimmel) that could have probably been excised entirely.
Luckily, within two hours, there are enough moments to keep this breezy nonsense watchable. Jack’s incredulous reactions at the goings-on in this magical world are good for a few laughs. Nick Kroll shows up in one bonkers scene as a criminal middleman, just as a creepy ice cream truck emerges from the Caribbean Sea and onto the sandy beaches. Cal is also able to turn Hot Wheels cars and other toys into useable, life-sized objects that help their journey. The weirdest detour, though, has to be a party held by Krampus (Kristofer Hivju underneath impressively practical make-up) in his castle where he engages in his favorite pastime.
Besides the two bankable leads, casting choices in supporting roles are more ticklishly surprising. Did anyone have Kiernan Shipka playing Krampus’ Christmas witch ex-lover on their 2024 bingo card? Lucy Liu exudes no-nonsense authority as the director of the Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority (M.O.R.A.), but one wonder how she kept a straight face for most of her expository dialogue. J.K. Simmons also makes for a wonderfully endearing Santa and plays it all without irony (even if he sits out the majority of the movie after being kidnapped). It’d be great to say that the delightful Bonnie Hunt gets to shine, but she never gets enough screen time to fully register beyond having a warm presence and looking deeply concerned for her hubby to return home.
Red One is as real of a movie as it could ever be, its price tag not always showing and the disparate tones not always gelling. With all of that going against it, it’s still an entertainment machine, albeit a bloated, sentimental one. Is it bound to enter the yearly Christmas Movie rotation? Probably not, but maybe every 359th day every couple of years, it would make a lively, intermittently fun time-stuffer.
*Side note: this film was screened in the very distracting, very obnoxious 4DX simulation experience, complete with water misting and my seat herking and jerking. If a movie needs to be played as a light-and-smoke show and roller coaster (even when a character is simply setting down their car keys on a table), perhaps the studio isn’t fully confident about what they’re selling.
Rating: 2.5/5
Red One is now playing in theaters.
