‘Meg 2: The Trench’ Movie Review: Bigger, Dumber, Duller
Photo from Warner Bros.
From Jeremy Kibler
Regardless of your thoughts on 2018’s The Meg—it knew what it was as big, silly shark fun for the widest possible audience—we can unanimously agree that Meg 2: The Trench is just big, dumb, and far less fun. Apart from the marketing team always killing it with these Meg movies, the biggest selling point for this sequel was bringing on Kill List director Ben Wheatley who could rebrand and go meaner and more bonkers than the director of 3 Ninjas and While You Were Sleeping. Unfortunately, there’s no sign of this singular filmmaker (or a budget of $185 million) up on that screen with this bummer summer-closer.
In a Crustaceous Period prologue, a megalodon sets the record straight. She is the top of the food chain, swooping out of the water and chomping down on a T-Rex that’s about to eat a smaller dinosaur. Then Queen’s “Under Pressure” sounds and we’re in for a blast, right? Hello?
Jason Statham returns as rescue diving expert Jonas Taylor, who’s reintroduced stowing away on cargo ships and incriminating radioactive-waste dumping in the Philippine Sea. In the interim, Jonas’ love interest, Suyin (Li Bingbing), has died, leaving him to play surrogate parent to her now-teenage daughter, Meiying (Sophia Cai). Suyin’s brother Jiuming (Chinese superstar Wu Jing) has also merged his company of Iron Man-type exo-suits with the Mana One oceanic institute. Just like last time, while Mac (Cliff Curtis), DJ (Page Kennedy), and a bunch of new faces stay dry and stare at computer screens, Jonas and now Jiuming head an expedition into the trench, only to discover a secret underwater mining facility. The mission gets sabotaged by bad guys, led by greedy double-crossers, leaving our heroes stuck 25,000 feet under the sea.
That right there is the entire first hour. It’s a ton of draggy setup (and underwater visual murkiness) for not much payoff, while the Megs just swim around as afterthoughts and new aquatic threats have to wait until mining explosions unleash them. Constantly overpromising and underdeliving, it’s as if Meg 2: The Trench pretends it’s something more. Even if returning screenwriters Jon Hoeber & Erich Hoeber and Dean Georgaris (adapting Steve Alten’s novel “The Trench” in his “Meg” series) did want us to be interested in a company conspiracy (gasp!) and the cloying human relationships before getting to the shark mayhem, it didn’t have to be this boring. The lame one-liners also needed a major punch-up.
There’s also no real tension or fanfare in who becomes chum and who will return in Meg: Primal Waters (if that even happens). Besides maybe Rigas (Melissanthi Mahut), none of the new characters make an impression or get the chance to have a personality, let alone a name you remember, before they become sea fodder. At least the baddies get what’s coming to them, the most annoying one of all getting the Samuel L. Jackson treatment. Page Kennedy’s DJ does earn some of the more intentional laughs when breaking out his survival backpack and making a Jaws 2 reference, but again, that momentary humor doesn’t come before it’s almost too late.
If you came to this place to see beautifully bald zaddy Jason Statham in a wet suit fending off sea monsters, get ready to wait. The creature carnage is backloaded to the final half hour when the unsuspecting tourists (and Pippin the dog) of “Fun Island” become a buffet for the monsters of the deep, including a prehistoric octopus and lizards that want to be velociraptors. When director Wheatley finally gets to deliver the goods, there’s a pretty inspired POV shot from inside a Meg’s people-eating jaws, a close call on a dock, and Statham throwing explosive harpoons from a jet-ski. Where was this ridiculousness for the first 70 minutes or so?
The best part? Deep Blue Sea fans, listen up. Page Kennedy gets to perform the closing credits’ hip-hop track “Chomp.” It reminds you of LL Cool J’s “Deepest Bluest (Shark’s Fin),” making you want to rewatch that far superior 1999 shark thriller as a palette cleanser from this mega-mess.
Meg 2: The Trench is currently in theaters.
Rating: 1.5/5
