‘Madame Web’ Movie Review: Is Sony Even Trying Anymore?
Photo from IMDb
From Gaius Bolling
It's hard to really tell what Sony is trying to do with their Spider-Man Universe characters. Thankfully top-notch talent has allowed the animated Spider-Verse films to remain some of the best offerings of the genre but their live-action output continues to puzzle the mind with their latest release, Madame Web. Venom kicked all of this off and while that film and its sequel weren't complete unmitigated disasters, they weren't worthy of the popular titular character's rich comic book history. Then there was Morbius. There isn't much to say there at all. If you've seen it, you know that its name is better left unuttered more than once. Perhaps Kraven The Hunter will fare better but if Madame Web is any indication, it's clear that the bras at Sony either don't understand their rogues gallery of Spider-Man characters or simply choose not to.
Despite being a low-stakes origin story (this is an $80 million production based on a lesser-known character from the Spider-Man Universe), Madame Web fails to even live up to the smallest of expectations. Directed by longtime television director S.J. Clarkson, who is making her feature directorial debut with this project, the film is full of clunky exposition, pedestrian action scenes, a lackluster villain, laughably bad references to the period it takes place in (we're back in 2003 my friends), and an uneven performance from its star, Dakota Johnson. Supporting efforts from Celeste O'Connor and Isabela Merced fare better but sadly, Sydney Sweeney, is a bit miscast as the third part of the future spider-women trifecta that Johnson's Cassandra Web is called upon to protect.
The film's story begins circa 1973 in the Peruvian Amazon where Constance (Kerry Bishé) is searching for a rare form of spider that is said to have healing abilities. She is joined by a bodyguard named Ezekiel who looks like his goal is to promptly betray to get said spiders which he as no surprise does. After the betrayal, Constance is left for dead but the people of the jungle take her in and allow her to be nibbled upon by these magical spiders. They don't save her life but it does save the life of her unborn child.
The film then moves over to 2003 where we meet the unborn daughter as a fully formed adult named Cassandra Webb (Johnson). The movie isn't self-aware enough to make any jokes about her on-the-nose name but given the clunkiness of the script credited to Clarkson, Clarie Parker, and Morbius writers, Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless, perhaps any jokes they would've come up with wouldn't have landed. Cassandra is now working as an EMT in New York City with a fellow worker named Ben Parker (Adam Scott). If the name sounds familiar, it will make even more sense when Emma Roberts' very pregnant Mary Parker comes into play. If that doesn't make it clear, Cassandra is an EMT specifically in Queens which also hints at the future home of everyone's favorite web-slinger.
During a bridge rescue that leaves her injured, Cassandra is suddenly imbued with psychic visions that allow her to see the future. No one believes Cassandra's newfound abilities and her view into the future almost become Sony Marvel's play on what they believe a Final Destination movie should be. Like most future would-be heroes, Cassandra finally realizes her purpose when it becomes clear that she has to save three teenage girls from a brutal attack on a train. The girls aren't so much characters as they are obvious stereotypes which include the nerdy and shy Julia (Sweeney), the sassy and rebellious Mattie (O'Connor), and the bookwormy Anya (Isabela Merced). They have become the target of Ezekiel because he has had nightly visions that he meets his end by three women who possess spider-enhanced abilities.
The biggest problem with Madame Web is that there aren't any real stakes. There is more tension in the banter between the three girls and Cassandra as their reluctant protector. There is a bit of a sitcom-like vibe to their interactions and it's honestly the only amount of fun the movie tries to have. The four girls share a decent chemistry but they're all let down on numerous occasions by the film's screenplay. There is considerable talent between all of them and while O'Connor and Merced at times shine through it, Johnson and Sweeney don't quite escape unscathed.
A comic book film can also be made and broken but its villains and sadly, Madam Web doesn't feature a worthy adversary. As essayed by Rahim, Ezekiel is more of a cartoony villain than a truly menacing one. There are attempts to make him more threatening throughout the movie such as shrouding his mouth mostly in darkness whenever he has to speak obviously ADR'd enhanced dialogue, or when he seduces and murders an NSA agent (Jill Hennessy) so he can steal her high-tech surveillance equipment, or when he dons a costume that looks like a rift on Spider-Man's threads. The movie doesn't attempt to explain why his suit looks so much like the future outfit of a future superhero but one has to guess if you're given spider-enhanced abilities, this is the only look one comes up with. Despite all of this, Ezekiel never feels like a viable threat, especially since he has a hard time doing away with three average teenage girls before they even achieve their powers and true potential. There is never a moment when the audience fears the four girls will fail in their mission.
Going back to Johnson, it's hard to tell what went wrong here. The actress received some scathing reviews when she starred in the Fifty Shades of Grey films but she emerged from those dumpster fires to display true talent in other projects such as Cha Cha Real Smooth and The Lost Daughter. Other than in scenes that she shares with her adoptive bunch of ragtag kids, Johnson's Cassandra comes off as very distant and a tad unlikable. She is a natural lifesaver and she never fails to want to help but she's emotionally unavailable. This direction could've been given to her because of the complicated nature of her birth and what happened to her mother but as a hero we should root for, Johnson doesn't hit many of the right notes. In fact, most of the time she performs the role as if she just read the script and realized what a mess she signed up for. As for Sweeney, she will survive this project. The actress has shown herself to be a capable performer and as her star continues to rise, being miscast here will be a mere afterthought as she continues to progress to bigger and better things.
Setting the film in 2003 proves to be problematic and unintentionally hilarious. The movie throws in music cues and imagery (a billboard of Beyonce's debut solo album Dangerously In Love should please the Bee-Hive) as well as an awfully bad line about American Idol to make the audience know that, yes, we're indeed living in 2003. The true intention to set the film during this period is to also clunkily connect it to Sony's Spider-Man films. In two decades, a man named Peter Parker will become the hero of Queens but it all feels like it's attached to to this film because they knew it can't stand on its own. In fact, this has plagued all of Sony's off-shoot live-action Spider-Man projects. They feel like the studio doesn't think they can take off without letting the audience know that Spider-Man exists or will exist in this universe too.
At the end of the day, even with the smallest of expectations placed on it, Madame Web still fails to deliver on any real level. It's a bit frustrating at this point because it feels like Sony isn't really trying. They have the rights to these characters and they're just cranking them out to see what sticks with no real rhyme or reason or an ounce of artistic integrity to justify their existence. We're also getting Kraven The Hunter later this year and if only we had Cassandra's psychic powers to see if that film will even be worthy of one's time. Those abilities certainly would've been great to have before heading into Madame Web.
Rating: 1.5/5
Madame Web hits theaters on February 14th, 2024.
