From Joe Peltzer

Matthew Vaughn has made a name for himself with a number of unique, action-packed films including Kick-Ass, X-Men: First Class, and the Kingsman series (the latter of which is set to continue to expand). His filmography is what made the premise of Argylle so tantalizingly exciting, flush with a dynamic cast and the promise of a lingering mystery: Who is the real Argylle? While the finished product has moments of fun, it’s ultimately an unsustainable, tonally confused conglomeration of twists and turns that runs far too long while exhausting any good will it builds up.

In the film, Bryce Dallas Howard plays Elly Conway, the hit author of a best-selling spy series who is suddenly thrust into her own adventure after learning that the plots of her novels track real-life occurrences. The cast of Vaughn’s latest, directed from a script by Jason Fuchs, is a talented one. Sam Rockwell (Aidan) is at peak fun here, playing a spy who buddy-cops the film with Howard’s Elly as they seek to locate the missing Master Key before it falls into the hands of the corrupt Directorate (led by Bryan Cranston). Howard plays Elly as an anxious loner which, juxtaposed against Rockwell’s butt-kicking yet humorously relaxed spy creates for some fun moments, but also highlights an ongoing flaw of Argylle. To best explain, we must begin at the opening scene.

Argylle opens in a fantasy word of sorts, the words on the pages of Elly’s latest novel playing out as though the audience is watching a film with the delightful Henry Cavill (Argylle) infiltrating an enemy location headed up by his nemesis Dua Lipa (LaGrange). John Cena is there, too. To say that the writing is cheesy would be an understatement, the jabs back and forth between Argylle and LaGrange incorporating every piece of basic spy trope dialogue one could imagine. But it’s acceptable here, as this is the fictionalized world of “Argylle” the novel and, as an audience member, it’s expected that the real-life dialogue will be quite the opposite… except it’s not. Here in which lies the biggest problem with Argylle: the film fatally fails to establish the necessary tonal differentiation between page and reality, leading to the two blending together and writhing in brutal silliness. The perfect balance of tone struck in Vaughn’s Kingsman series is lost here with Argylle instead leaning more towards Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery.

That’s not to say that there isn’t a lot to enjoy here. The storyline, though couched in a stereotypical “the secret organization is evil” trope, features enough surprises (perhaps bordering on too many) to keep things exciting throughout. Cranston and Catherine O’Hara are both pleasant when given the proper material. The action, as well, injects much-needed adrenaline in the drawn-out film. But for every fun moment presented, the following scenes are often slogs of exposition and uninspired writing. This is evident from the opening scenes that begin with Cavill going full James Bond (which I wouldn’t hate in reality, by the way) followed by an excruciatingly lengthy Q&A set-up with Howard, a sign of the dynamics to come. 

Argylle continuously feels like it wants to be taken more seriously than that confines Vaughn has constructed allow. I found myself with more moments of laughter emanating from secondhand embarrassment at the baffling choices made than much of the intended sources of humor (see ice skating and smoke bomb dancing, as two examples). And that cast! How do you have the likes of Cavill, Cena, Ariana DeBose, Samuel L. Jackson, and Sofia Boutella and relegate them to less than a fifth (mostly less) of the film? The advertising was smart enough to not spoil the film’s major questions, but it also duped the audience into expecting more from its ensemble cast. 

It’s all pieced together with strikingly poor CGI work and a soundtrack that features some gems, but doesn’t mesh with the scenes it’s used in. What Vaughn was going for here is a bit beyond me at this time. I’m not opposed to just leaving reason at the door and having fun, but Argylle is a film that doesn’t earn it, an ultimately disappointing misfire that could have been something great. At least Vaughn’s cat Chip seemed to have a good time.

Rating: 2/5

Argylle hits theaters on Friday, February 2nd, 2024.

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